My final year of university was a great time. Not to brag but my phone was blowing up with social and date requests every single minute. Ok, maybe 90% of calls were from my mum, but nonetheless I was having a great time, being free and single.
Whilst at the gym, minding my own business, a Facebook message popped up on my phone. It was from a guy in my year; who I had only met once, during Freshers Week. I remember finding Casper very good looking and the fact that he was studying poetry, was a massive plus for me. Sadly our nights took different paths and we never saw each other again, except for when he added me as a Facebook friend. Where I would occasionally see the odd post he was tagged in. Yet here he was now, popping up on my phone, asking me how I was.
I was fine. I was off out with my friends and tactfully I asked, if he too would be out. He wasn’t but that didn’t stop us from talking. For weeks after his first message, he would frantically message and call me, and tell me his life long dreams and problems. Eventually, during one of our late night phone calls, he asked if I wanted to go for a drink with him. I casually said yes and we made plans to meet the next day. But when the day came, despite his excited texts to see me, he called me to say he had come down with the flu. From the sound of his own voice, it seemed legit that he wasn’t feeling very well. So we made plans to meet the following week, when he was feeling better. But when that day came, with two hours spare of meeting him; he text me to say he was busy with work and wouldn’t be able to meet. Ok. This was beginning to be a bit strange but with all his messages, phone calls and even a bouquet of flowers he had sent me, I wasn’t too worried. Again, we rearranged to meet in a couple of days. When the day came, I text him teasing him not to cancel on me again. We bantered whatsapp messages back and fourth, whilst I got ready for our first date. When my taxi arrived to take me to the Gin bar, we were meeting at, I messaged him to say that I would be running ten minutes late. He replied that he would be waiting for me there, nice and early. But when I arrived, Casper wasn’t there. I sat at our booked table and waited for his arrival, but he never came. I checked my phone to see if he had tried to message me. Nothing. There was no message on my Facebook, whatsapp, Twitter or email. I called him but his phone was off. After an hour of waiting I called my friend to join me for a drink and we had a brilliant night together but all the while I couldn’t help but analyse what had happened to him. Was he hurt? Kidnapped? Or just a dick head?
Unfortunately, it became clear that Casper was the latter. I never heard from him again.I had well and truly been ghosted.
According to YouGov, there’s a one in 10 chance, that you too, have experienced “ghosting”.
That’s a lot of people being ignored. And I honestly think Digital communication has fuelled this dysfunctional relationship pattern. The degree of separation driven by WhatsApp, Facebook, texting and emailing, can unnaturally accelerate a relationship. Frequent sharing can easily make us believe we’re getting on really well, despite having only met twice. And of course, meeting someone in real life rarely lives up to original expectation, so that too can halt any growing relationship.
I don’t know why Casper ghosted me. FYI he is alive, I’ve actually just seen his Croatia holiday pics pop up on my Facebook feed. Yep we’re still “friends” but not friendly enough for us to ever discuss why we never met. Or why he just stopped talking to me. Or why he left me hanging in that gin bar for an hour on my own. My friends have plenty of theories:
- He’s probably gay
- He might have had a girlfriend
Whatever the reason, I honestly think it’s because Casper wasn’t that in to me. And I’m cool with that. If anything I feel sorry for Casper that he couldn’t find the words to express how he really felt. I can’t imagine that would have been too hard since he has a poetry degree. Either way, if you have been or do ever find yourself ghosted, take it as a positive. At least you don’t have to exorcise them; they do it for you!