If you’re not comfortable with talking about sex, let alone reading about it. Please press the X button in the corner of your screen. Because I’m going to be very honest about a subject that most of us enjoy.
I say enjoy, but from what I’ve learnt from many women over the years; sex hasn’t been that enjoyable. Give it a go when you’re next with your girlfriends and after plenty of wine has been consumed. Ask them how many men have actually achieved the task of pleasing their sexual needs. I bet it’s not that many. That’s quite a sad thought really. Well, it is and it isn’t. I have told and heard some cracking stories about bad sexual experiences, which I’ll leave for another time. But for now I thought we’d concentrate on the reasons why men get sex so wrong.
If you’re a man don’t take this to heart, just read and learn. If you’re a girl – grab a cuppa and let’s reminisce about the times when we wondered if men were even human!
1. Porn is porn. It’s not real!
Don’t get me wrong. A lonely winters night – grab your laptop, click on RedTube and enjoy yourself. Porn is great for that reason. Sadly, like most things in life, the good things that you see online are either fantasy or totally unrealistic. Men seem to think that what they see on screen is exactly what a woman wants in real life. Porn stars are actresses. They’re not really enjoying themselves babe. It’s called faking, which is probably what your missus is doing whilst you re-enact that scene you watched from that movie last week….
Like…Are you sure?…No, that’s definitely my Pubis bone. Ok,…a little to the right…no. Too far! Did you even listen in sex ed? Do you even know what nerve endings are?
3. No Foreplay
It’s great you can get hard really quickly, but we need a bit more warming-up. Like how about try a 10 minute warm up rather than 10 seconds!
4. Pound Cake
Go hard or go home. Please. Just go home! Rough sex is fine but not every time. Remember it’s all about being sensual not giving us friction burns!!!
6. Mixing it up
Don’t be scared of mixing things up and being adventurous. Spontaneity is a huge turn-on for most women. Just make sure you have her consent whatever you do spring up on her!
7. 21 Questions
Don’t be cringe and ask questions after sex like, “Was I good?” or “Did you come?” Ask the questions during. “Bit harder?” “Want to do this?”. That way you can gage what someone likes without looking like a needy dork.
8. The No Trunk In The Room.
When we mean trunk, we mean penis. Sometimes a thing called life happens and you can’t get it up. Don’t panic about it and whatever you do, don’t stop! Just get on with it or continue to please us. You may find if you ignore the issue, the trunk may just reappear. If it doesn’t then don’t make it into a big problem. Whether it’s hard or not, we’re still going to tell our mates. Sorry not sorry!
9. No cuddling/touching after sex
We’ve just invited you in (literally) to our comfort zone and now you don’t think it’s wise to cuddle or let alone touch us afterwards because it’s “too hot”. I’ll tell you what will be too hot – Your face after I’ve slapped it!
10. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
Men get turned on just from simply seeing a pair of boobs. Women are turned on from touch, emotional/ mental arousal and environmental factors. There’s also plenty of other reasons why women get turned on but I don’t have all day. The truth is women are stimulated differently to men. So men, keep that in mind the next time you’re wondering why your lady friend isn’t in the mood!
I pray for all the women out there, that you continue to have good sex.