Why being beautiful is pretty ugly

There’s a reason why Ariel and Cinderella didn’t have female friends and only female rivals….


I decided to write this blog because as a female I experience negativity from other women quite a lot. The funny thing is, I’ve noticed that I’m not the only one.

So I’ve made it my mission to find out why girls be hating.

Before we begin I want to make it clear that when I speak about beauty, I mean inside and out. A person can be beautiful just on personality alone. I also want to add that I don’t class myself as the “bee’s knees” – although I’m sure some people find me attractive, I also know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea.

So why do I think being beautiful is actually an ugly thing to be? Hear me out…

At 14 I was fortunate to be scouted by a London modelling agency. Although being 5ft-nothing and having an alien looking face, I managed to make a ten year career from what I was given at birth. I’ve been lucky to feature in TV adverts, billboards and films. Worked with huge brands including Lynx, Oral-B and Nike. Let’s just not bring up the Watchshop advert that’s still on TV!

During my modelling years I met hundreds of beautiful men and women and learnt very quickly that looking good, reaps plenty of benefits. However the shallow outcome of what people think of you, isn’t all rosy. It actually has a lot of negatives.

Being beautiful  brings jealousy.

All of the beautiful women I know, have at some point in their life suffered from other people’s jealousy. Especially from women. Whether that’s receiving nasty remarks or being socially excluded – they have all been a victim of someone’s green-eyed monster. I know I have.

As previously mentioned, being beautiful is much more than looks. It’s how someone carries themselves. It’s the air of confidence that they bring with them wherever they go. A lovely personality is all you need if you are to be labelled as “beautiful”. You could be a supermodel but if you have the personality of a snail, I can’t see that many people falling in love with you.

All of my best friends are beautiful. I’m not biased, they really are gorgeous! Inside and out.

Although they are all different in many ways, they all share one thing in common – they are confident. I’m quite sure that if they weren’t self-assured, they wouldn’t be friends with any of my other beautiful friends.

As Oprah Winfrey once said, You can’t be friends with someone who wants your life. I guess that also goes alongside personality and looks too!

All of my girlfriends are happy to talk about their successes and walk-the- walk. But even the nicest and inoffensive of my friends will still get a backlash of jealousy from other girls.

So why does being confident bring just as much negativity as having a pretty face?

In her TED X Youth talk, Caroline Heldman suggests that a process she calls self- objectification might be to blame. Caroline explains that as women, we naturally engage in female competition. We see male attention as the holy grail of our existence and so we compete with other women for our own self-esteem. The majority of women also see confidence as not socially acceptable. A female who isn’t modest is automatically hated because they perceive her as a threat.

Apparently when a girl walks into a room she will subconsciously analyse all of the other girls in the room to see where she fits in the pecking order. It is at this moment that if a woman believes another woman is better looking than her, or desired by men, the green-eyed monster will appear. This normally follows with name calling (Slut or bitch) and/or socially excluding the “pretty” female. These reactions are simply a defense mechanism to make the jealous female feel better about themselves.

To follow on from this, a study was conducted about how women treat each other when men are present. The research found that women have a negative attitude towards a particular female ‘type’. Vrangalova and colleagues (2013) discovered that females were less likely to be friends with another female who they saw as sexually promiscuous. When asked why they thought the woman was promiscuous, the majority of females said it was because they believed the woman was a sexual desire to the men in the room. Therefore if a woman is seen as a threat to another, the threatened female  will not make friends with her rival.The results also showed that if women thought another female was better looking than them, they would instantly have negative thoughts about her.

 

So is being beautiful inside-and-out not a good thing?

Sometimes.

I think good looks and confidence can help you in many cases. But socially I think beautiful women will always struggle to be liked initially. I often get a lot of people tell me how they thought I was a bitch before they even met me. Maybe that’s because of my confident persona or maybe, like the study showed, it’s because women want to think negative thoughts instead of giving me the chance to get to know me.

Maybe this is why all of my best friends are beautiful? Because they can handle other pretty women and not get fazed by their existence.

On a note to leave you with – if you are a woman who doesn’t like other good looking or confident/lovely women. Or you value a person by measuring them against you; your insecurity is going to overshadow any possibility of friendship or compassion towards another woman, especially if you feel she is more attractive than you.

To define someone for the way they look or behave is so Nazi! 

We are all beautiful in our own way and we should celebrate everyone’s quirks and successes. One thing is for sure, us females need to stick together!

As Tina Fey said in Mean Girls:

15 thoughts

  1. Thanks so much for sharing this! This is something that I’ve been aware of for sometime and it’s sad. Females can be pretty cruel and it’s hard to make good friends. To also quote mean girls, “I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy.”

    A year and a half ago I got tried of watching the competition, the judgment, introducing women to other women and them immediately not liking each other, all because of jealousy. I wanted to start a blog that would hopefully inspire women to come together. I enlisted a few friends and together we gave birth to The Renaissance Woman.

    Our mission statement: “The Renaissance Woman was started to eliminate competition among women and foster inspiration. We all have stories we need to share for the betterment of women everywhere. Here we bring to you real-life role models, candid advice and unanswered questions for the modern woman.

    Our mission is to amplify the raw experiences of women to educate, encourage and enlighten each other and to find meaning in our everyday lives.

    We don’t have all the answers, but we believe that by connecting with each other through our experiences, we can learn from one another and collaborate as Renaissance Women.”

    I’m glad that I found your blog, keep up the good work! I would also love to feature you on our blog, if you’re interested.

    Happy Friday!

    Heather Thomas
    heathermjones16@gmail.com
    http://www.therenaissancewoman.me

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  2. I agree with the thing that you said on this blog. I have experience negative behavior from other women and it hurt my feelings a lot in the past. I learned how to overcome situations like that now. But thank you for this blog.

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  3. If you think being a beautiful woman is hard, try being a beautiful woman who is a lesbian. That’s even harder, because many women will be even more mean to me out of jealousy, homophobia, and/or trying to hide the fact that they might like me back. Other than that, everything you’ve said in the article is true. More women need to read this.

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  4. Unfortunately, practically all very attractive women are shallow, spoiled, lazy, high-maintenance, and they have no character. If you aren’t like that, I’m afraid you are going to have to show that you aren’t. It’s not fair, I know.

    (I’m sorry to say that I, and a lot of guys won’t approach an attractive woman.)

    And if they still act like a bitch, that shows what kind of character they have.

    ~ Perry 🙂

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    1. And I can say all girls who are judgmental like you I should make assumption about without even meeting you. You are very sad, insecure, bitchy. And you just think your whole life revolve around men attention and you only exist for that. Sorry but you should make an effort to prove the opposite

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  5. Thanks for posting this — it made me feel relieved that somebody else could relate.

    I have only a few great female friends and try very hard to chat with other women and make friends, but have recently noticed a common theme after years of observation: I have found that it is much easier to make friends with very attractive women. It just goes much more smoothly and there are no feelings of tension.

    It is really a shame, because there are plenty of women who I find very interesting and have actively made an effort to become friends with, but am blatantly rejected by them or left out. And with these women, there is always an underlying feeling of tension.

    I couldn’t place my finger on it or figure out why until recently when my husband pointed out that all of these women who have rejected me or held back are those that he seems to think are judgmental of my appearance. It made me pretty sad. I have no control over my looks and never thought it could be part of the problem, but now I’m thinking it’s not a coincidence that women who are conventionally beautiful seem to be easier to become friends with.

    Now I guess the only way to make friendships that don’t result in me feeling rejected or hurt is to aim to be friends with attractive women. It’s all a bit depressing.

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  6. I totally agree with you, i just hste myself for being envious with women prettier than i do, and i just cant help it, i know its wrong i am missing the opportunity to gain friends, i need a shrink….

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  7. I think the point is not so much about beauty but mostly attractiveness together with feeling good in oneself and exerting much self confidence.
    In the face of it , those who feel insecure will feel pretty worse. This is why those reactions happen.
    It is fine to feel good. In most cases one attractive person is not aware of it until people start to point it out. I think that for most attractive people it is just a normal thing and they are probably not as arrogant or different as they are said to be. Only those who suffer their own lack of self confidence and well being in the face of others will blame attractive people. The best thing is probably to feel empathy for those who suffer and ignore the negativity they pull towards you. Feeling good is what we are designed for, it is a gift.

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  8. I have experienced jealousy from different women for year’s!! Once, I determine a women around me an or in my social circle of friends is jealous… I quickly Analyze thing’s they may say to me an or there actions around me! If I come to a conclusion that the woman is jealous of me based on looks… I distant myself from them!! I just find it stupid an ignorant to be jealous of other women no Matter What!!! Insecure women that are jealous in any form, I consider just WEAK!!! They definitely don’t get Respect from me based on a Dumb jealous Nature!!!

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  9. Thank you!!! This article is amazing. I suffered my whole life of I’ll treatment because if my looks. And its true if someone treat u bad because if your looks only they are Nazi. I struggle even being on the train. I got bullied until I developed PTSD. Thank u for the article now I know I am not just crazy and paranoid and the bad treatment I got from girls was real and not me just being oversensitive.

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  10. Envy and jealousy are just specific names for wickedness. This is why God strongly condemns these behaviours. These are just some of the sins that will send most of humanity to hell. Jealous and envious women know exactly what they are doing when they ALLOW themselves to act on their evil urges. Nobody is holding a gun to their head. They have full control of their actions but still choose vile behaviour over compassion and decency, probably because it feels good to them. I’m extra polite and kind to attractive people when I cross their paths because they are the true persecuted minority of western society

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  11. men who respond that we are high maintenance and b’s are the ones beautiful women didn’t want to date. Caring about appearance, HEALTH, and being confident is not ‘high maintenance’. We only look dressed up in comparison to the sloppy-dressed.

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